When Timid Took Root: A Story of Healing & Worth

When Timid Took Root

Yesterday I was in my Splanka session and I chose not to put any parameter around what I wanted to work on. Wow, what came up for me was the feeling of timid. To say that I was blown away to find out when timid took root in my life would probably be an understatement.

As the session progressed it was apparent that I had accepted the timid feeling back when I was like twenty-eight years old. It rooted deep within me. The way I felt because of accepting this deep in my spirit was unworthy, depressed, and resentful. I am thankful to God for clearing these feelings from me during my session.

It was super eye opening! Much of my defining moments and challenges had this thread of timid show up. This thread would lead me into withdrawing into myself and caring more than I was ever meant to care alone. Moments of telling myself this is why I am unworthy or moments of depressing my thoughts, feelings and ideas.

I was filled with so much self doubt. Which allowed what was being spoken to me to take a much larger root in my subconscious than I should have allowed.

What I’ve learned is that the wiring in our brains becomes damaged when we are constantly thinking the same negative thing too often. It becomes “thicker” than the others, which makes it harder for us to replace those lies with truth quickly. To replace this thread with positive self talk we need to work harder and with intention.

The Cycle of Self-Doubt

Self doubt had become so prevalent in my thoughts that it prevented me from stepping boldly into God’s mission for my life. I kept trying to accomplish things; such as my position in my job. Or being the perfect mother. I was doing all this in my own strength, even though my soul wasn’t at rest. The questions that played on a recorder in my mind were; “Will God actually use me?” “After the life I have lived till now?” “Am I even worthy of being used?”

Just like the negative and even abusive words that were spoken to me; the root of timidity was shrinking my world. During this season I found myself alone so much more than my soul could handle; isolated. I was allowing the relationship to cripple my courage. And what made me there person I am was getting buried. Was I totally losing who I was? Every dream I had for my life seemed a distant memory.

Rewiring the Mind

The last few years have been about growing the feelings of worthy, finding my strength to step into leadership, saying yes to a higher purpose, leaning in to find what God’s calling is for me.

1 Corinthians 1:28 (The Voice)

"God selected the common and the castoff, whatever lacks status, so He could invalidate the claims of those who think those things are significant."

It surely hasn’t been easy, the self doubt recording keeps trying to work its way back into my thoughts. Circumstances pop up in my life keep helping the recording to continue playing.

As I have spent way too much time thinking of why does this keep happening, I am reminded that I need to look at circumstances differently.

We have the power to pivot our thoughts to remembering and believing that God has a bright future for us.

Jeremiah 29:11 (The Voice)

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Eternal, “plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and hope—never forget that."

We are so quick to forget God’s promise. Let me tell you sister, you have a worth believing in! In Christ you are MORE than enough. Remember that if you embrace being an unashamed woman, you are an unstoppable woman!

A Call to Rise

I want to live a life in service to my King and build he kingdom with boldness and by building up others. This is why I will continue to share my story, offer compassion to women walking through similar circumstances, and say yes to whatever my next step is into living out a higher purpose.

Do you need to release some regrets, wrong feelings; like I am releasing my timidness; and trade them for truthful feelings, resolve and readiness?

Step into your power in Christ and accept who you truly are in him. Be bold in what he calls you to. Surround yourself with women who are speaking live into you, not tripping you up.

It might even require allowing God to truly be your everything. Living with open hands. Letting go of all that feels comfortable and safe.

🙏 A Prayer Over You

Lord, I pray for each woman reading this that she may believe you have built her to be bold and resilient. Help her not to spend value time questioning her worth and readiness. Grant her the ability to embrace her God given magnificence. Encourage her to step into her destiny with confidence, ready to serve you. May she be the unstoppable women you made her to be. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.