Are your connections watering your soul or just your calendar?

Lately, I’ve been asking myself a question that’s reshaping my life: Are my connections watering my soul or just filling my calendar?

As I lean into the emotions stirring my heart is feeling, it has become clear that I need to fill my calendar with what fills my soul, not just what keeps me busy.

People Pleasing Trap

You see, I have always been a people pleaser. Believing that love and acceptance would come from how much I did for others. In that pursuit, I placed myself, my health, and my needs dead last. Sometimes, not at all.

Losing Myself to Please Others

Over years of difficult relationships that slowly shrank me, I lost myself. I lost my voice. The desire to even fight for me. But in the quiet moments this past month, God has begun to whisper a different truth: It’s time to focus on you.

I’m learning that it isn’t selfish to prioritize my needs and protect my time, it is wise. It is not my job to carry everyone else’s weight. It is okay, actually healthy, to set boundaries. In fact, I’ve found that strong, mature relationships actually grow deeper with clear boundaries.

And yes, some relationships haven’t survived that shift. But I now believe that God allowed those endings because they were ultimately for my good. We are each called to bold, fulfilling lives. And sometimes that means walking away from what is holding us back.

As I walk through this, it has been super important for me to gleam truths about myself. I’m rediscovering who I am; through Scripture, honest conversations with faithful friends, and moments alone with God. The truth they speak over me has fed my soul in a way I never knew I needed.

Embrace Slow, Live Intentional

It goes against culture, but I think that living a less rushed life , a more intentional life is holy work. It gives space to heal, to grow and to live better, not bitter. When we live a life full of God’s faithfulness, we live graciously and speak life, not tear down.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6 (NIV)

Boundaries are a practical step in protecting what matters most. It is about how we can shift our focus so that we are in control of our environment. They help us define what we are willing or not willing to endure. What we are willing or not to give. That’s not controlling. That is protecting our peace.

Emotions, Grace and Seasons

Yes, emotions will rise. I’ve spent years in fight, flight, or freeze mode. Even when the root cause is gone, your body can still hold the tension. Be gentle with yourself. Healing is a process, not a performance. Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s.

We also need to show grace during this process. Others may not fully understand the new boundaries, he aren’t living your story. Ask questions. Listen. Some may be confused, not malicious.

Some relationships will grow stronger. Others may fall away. That’s okay. I pray you can come to a place of acceptance of this. Some connections are only for a season.

Make a Plan

If you’re working on boundaries, make a plan. Define them clearly. Know how you will respond when they’re crossed. Consequences are not punishment, they are protection. Be respectful and thoughtful in standing firm.

Honestly, this will not all feel warm and fuzzy. It will be hard, lonely and uncomfortable. But your sanity, safety, and peace are worth protecting. Stay strong. How someone acts or reacts is not on you or your responsibility.

Even Jesus Was Betrayed

Relationships are hard. Jesus navigated betrayal, just look at his relationship with Judas.

“He said, ‘That’s me.’ The soldiers recoiled, totally taken aback. Judas, his betrayer, stood out like a sore thumb.” John 18:5 (MSG)

Nothing you are feeling or walking through is something Jesus hasn’t felt. Jesus knows betrayal. He understands our pain. Let Him be your strength and your guide. Relationships can be redemptive, but only when we learn to honor both others and ourselves.

Recommended Resource

For deeper resources on boundaries, I highly recommend Dr. Henry Cloud’s work, especially his book, Boundaries.